Where Do I Belong

Don’t really know or i’m thinking too much i feel like messed up sometimes no matter which way i choose I always feel like I come short , most important thing is that I loose confidence on myself and its really a burden when it comes to decide whether I’ve done wrong or right with someone
And then all I feel like  I should not waste my time in all this rather I should study or do something else which adds some value to me but at the same time when I begin to do my own work as per my decision I thing that I’m going rude with someone
I ain’t rude come on I’m not
Then what stops me from talking to you don’t really know but hey I’m not a rude or mean guy
I really feel screwed up by all this and I feel like I’m a dodgy in friendship
Where I talk to people then something hits my mind and I begin to distance myself with people though this is true I really like to live without emotions mean no serious kind of emotions I need you please be with me i love you etc etc not a business of my life
But what i want is to keep others happy and i should really smile every time they talk with me or ask me how am I
If I really want this then why sometimes i feel like living alone ????? Why is this that all I wana do sometimes not to talk to others but live on my own sometimes
Is it normal ??? Or am I rude ????
Perhaps this is the reason I keep myself more close to things than people like chess rapping cars etc etc
Deactivated my a/c  though I had a genuine reason but now I’m missing her in many real life events I’m recognizing her in others talk etc etc but I can’t return to facebook and tell her that talk to me please
And huh again all I begin to think is leave this all here and do something that adds value to me
May be she may not be missing me or whatever I don’t care but something stops me from going back their and talk to her and to stay there so here I’m living on my own again.
I really actually thought once I would never make her sad and wait for me because due to something I came to know she values me and that’s all matter to me I’m not a chaser I be with people who deserves me not wasting time for others rather spending it with the ones who really deserves me , i’m so caught in this all and I don’t know how she will respond when 
Perhaps whenever I’ll return to Facebook angry neutral keep me waiting or don’t know how .
I could never understand myself
That’s hard to decide who I’m
My some actions are unpredictable
Reasons are unknown why I do them
And all I feel is creepy
Begin to judge myself  I’m  right and good one or rude and bad one
I don’t know
Where Do I Belong